Relationships

Lately, I just have the feeling that I'm not really wanted by my "lover". I think it's because of a cultural boundary that I still don't quite understand. I know that I should try harder, but it's very difficult.

I know I'm not the prettiest, smartest, or sweetest girl that exists, but sometimes I wish that I was treated in that manner by someone.

I think I always have the feeling that I'm not good enough to actually be someone's girlfriend...

My last relationship and the one I have now both have the conflict of distance. However, part of me feelings like it might be deeper than that. Sometimes, I feel like my partner is embarrassed of me.

"Oh. I can't let people know I'm dating that American girl. She's not as skinny and her actions are different from what my culture is use to. I like her, but I don't think people should know."

Maybe it's just me thinking too much about the situation, but I can't help that it hurts.

Lately, my only thoughts on my relationship now are "he's going to end it as soon as he goes back home."

I know long distance relationships are difficult and they are work... but I want to try. I want to make it work. But I don't think that he does. Maybe it's because we don't like each other in the same way. Maybe he would just rather have a girl from his culture.

I can't help but become jealous when he talks to girls from his country... or even just other girls. I feel like he treats them differently from me. Like... he wants to talk to them or invites them to things, but when it comes to me... I'm only in those things when it's just the two of us... otherwise it is bad to have me around.

Maybe I just need to understand better, but this has been on my mind a lot lately. It's eating me up a little.

Although it's terrible... I'll probably just continue thinking that I'm not good enough.