It's Time For A Rant

Well.. sort of.

It's more like I am complaining (and sad) at the fact that apparently my friend is upset with me.

Why?

Because I haven't been staying at the house very much.

You see, I live in a campus house with 8 other girls. That's fine and all, but I'm not really there anyways. I really am only there to eat and sleep. I hate studying there because there isn't enough room and I feel like I get distracted fairly easily. To amend this problem, I go to the Union to study, which is just a place where lots of people go to study, eat, or hang out with others.

It was here that I met my current... lover? Boyfriend? I'm not sure what we are at the moment since he is not from this country, so I'm not sure what the status of our relationship will be when he goes back.

Instead of living on campus, he lives in a house that's maybe 5 blocks away from the school. Since I have started dating him (and especially now since he is leaving soon), I have been going to his house a lot. I'm actually at his house now.

Anyways, one of my good friends is my roommate. We spend some time together, but it is difficult because we are both busy. Lately, I have been sick, so I have been trying to stay at home as much as possible. My friend, though, had seemed like she was angry with me. She kind of stopped talking to me and was giving me the cold shoulder.

I found out today that apparently she is angry with me because I am not at the house very much. To be honest, I'm sad about it. Mostly because she was talking about it with a lot of people, not just a few.

Personally, I don't know why she is mad. The only time I am ever home is at night, so all I do, really, is sleep.

Plus, when we came back from Japan, she was acting really angry with me. I didn't know why, so I just backed off from her. Later on, in the next couple of days, I saw her Tumblr post. She complained that someone should stop trying to be like her and become their own person.

Immediately, I felt like she was talking about me. She had to of... who else could she have been talking about?

After I read this, I decided that keeping my Tumblr to see these types of posts was not worth it. Hence, I deleted my Tumblr. I made a new one, thinking I could jump back into it, but now I don't want to be on Tumblr.

Actually, the new one that I made, my friend found it and started following me on it. I have only posted on thing on it and I don't think I will ever use it again.

I guess part of me doesn't understand what I have done wrong. I just wanted to be with someone. Often times, I feel like she doesn't really want me around anyways or that she doesn't value our friendship as much as she does her friendships with other people.

I guess I feel kind of intimated and pushed out, so I just don't want to try so hard.

I'm really upset about this whole situation. I hate confrontation, so I probably won't ask her about it. I guess she can be mad at me for these next few days. I don't really care right now... I'm still upset with the fact that she didn't have concern for my feelings the day when I kept crying.

Maybe it doesn't matter? I'm not sure anymore....